F*CK THIS MURDER

No 🚫 AI was used to create F*ck this Murder.

We do not use AI for marketing creative, writing, or illustrating.

Represented by Elisa Saphier, MacGregor & Luedeke Collaborative LLC for subsidiary rights.

F*CK THIS MURDER captures the LGBTQIA+ friendly warmth, camp, and camaraderie of Dan Levy’s SCHITT’S CREEK and the dark humor, twists and suspense of Elle Cosimano’s FINLAY DONOVAN IS KILLING IT, combining them with the realistic and witty portrayals of being autistic and living with chronic illness in Talia Hibbert’s Brown Sisters romantic romps. 

Autistic, divorced, and chronically ill Maggie Livingston just wants a 5-star review for her new Bed and Breakfast that will save her family’s beautiful Victorian home, but her murdered guests and a plague of unexplained accidents keep getting in the way. It doesn’t help that Maggie’s guests for a high-stakes week of wedding festivities are her old high-school nemeses and there’s a sweltering heat wave gripping their touristy mountain town. Or that she still has feelings for her ex-girlfriend Alice, the local game warden who is currently dating one of the wedding party. To make matters worse, the morning the wedding guests arrive, Maggie’s first guest inconveniently dies upstairs while the hotel inspector conducts his final tour. Maggie and her best friends Mia and Sutton stash the body, but the mystery remains, and chaotic mishaps abound. In the wake of food poisoning, a collapsing dock, rogue alligator, and a swarm of bees flying out of a disco ball at the roller-rink, it will be a miracle if Maggie can keep it together until her big payday at the end of the week, pay her mortgage, and save her guests from a murderer.

Similar novels: FINLAY DONOVAN SERIES; EVERY TIME I GO ON VACATION, SOMEONE DIES; DIAL A FOR AUNTIES; THURSDAY MURDER CLUB. Similar shows and movies: KNIVES OUT; ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING; BAD MONKEY

See below for our inspirations and our dream cast!

Publishers Weekly Review 7.27.26

F*ck This Murder

Elizabeth Land Quant and Signe E. Land. Unpopular, $19.99 trade paper (386p) ISBN 979-8-9994392-0-8

Sisters Quant and Land debut with an amusing whodunit centered on Maggie Livingston, the autistic owner of a brand-new bed-and-breakfast called Henry’s Point. Maggie’s plan to launch Henry’s Point by hosting the wedding of her teenage nemesis gets off to a rocky start when Mr. Trembolt, an acquaintance of Maggie’s father who asked to lodge at the B and B before its official opening, is found dead in his room, apparently of natural causes. A harried Maggie hustles to hide the body with the help of her best friends, Mia Hernandez Webber and Sutton Antonoff, so arriving guests won’t cancel their reservations. The trio gets off to a strong start, with Maggie crediting “countless hours spent watching murder movies on Lifetime” for their success. But before long, their cover-up unravels: the coroner’s report flags possible foul play in Trembolt’s death, and Maggie learns he was lying about his identity. She sets out to solve the murder while keeping the wedding festivities afloat, to mixed success. The authors nail Maggie’s acerbic voice and keep the plot twists coming fast and furious enough to hook readers. A sequel would be welcome. (Self-published)

Professional Reviews

Kirkus Book Review (8.2.25)

Our Verdict: Get It!

In Quant and Land’s comic mystery, a woman contends with numerous travails when former classmates converge at her just-opened bed-and-breakfast.

Minnesotan Maggie Livingston is an “almost divorced, thirty-something autistic woman who had just moved back down south to rent out her beloved ancestral home to strangers,” and she’s been dealing with one problem after another. First, she hustles the corpse of an elderly guest, who apparently died of natural causes, out of her place to escape the health inspector’s notice; later, it comes to light that old Mr. Trembolt may not have been who he said he was—and may have been the victim of a murder. Meanwhile, her booked wedding party, all former high school classmates, is plagued by numerous disasters over the course of a week, including food poisoning and poison ivy, aggressive yellowjackets, and the discovery of a severed human leg, among other things. In the midst of all this, Maggie—who once underwent fertility treatments—is nervous but hopeful that she may be pregnant, due to an ill-advised hookup with her cheating, soon-to-be-ex-husband, Lance. He tries to lure her back to Minnesota, as does a promotion-offering former employer. Maggie’s also anxious about seeing Alice, her former high school girlfriend, whom she betrayed by sleeping with Lance some 14 years ago. There’s also a blackmail plot, related to a tragic event that occurred during Maggie’s high school days. This colorful, spiraling whodunit effectively combines suspense with tongue-in-cheek absurdity; chapter titles include “Scooby Do or Die” and “What’s a Body Part Between Friends?,” and there are nods to both the 1997 horror film I Know What You Did Last Summer and the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Readers may find that keeping track of this book’s large squad of characters is challenging, but they’re a believable and attractively diverse bunch of potential suspects. Ultimately, though, this novel has a sweetness to it, with Maggie and her former antagonists coming together in common cause.

An amusing, antic mystery with surprising and touching twists.

BookLife Reviews by Publishers Weekly

Editor’s Pick!

“Quant and Land’s side-splitting mystery debut stars Maggie Livingston, a queer, autistic innkeeper with a mountain of unpaid bills. To save her family’s charming vintage estate, she takes on an impossible task: getting chummy with high school bullies and hosting their wedding festivities at her bed and breakfast. Rubbing elbows with her sleazy colleagues becomes even harder when a dead body is discovered in the guest room, and the only thing to do is discreetly hide the body and pretend that everything is fine. Every event on the wedding agenda goes awry—in amusingly ridiculous fashion—and Maggie suspects foul play. To save her home, Maggie must smile, make excuses, take plenty of prednisone, and solve this inopportune murder.

While it's sometimes a challenge to track the abundant characters, this mystery moves quickly through increasingly absurd events: a runaway alligator, water bottles laced with club drugs, and a disco ball leaking yellow jackets. These ridiculous events are delivered with biting sarcasm and hilarious macabre humor: “He would see two people carrying a body-shaped cats-pooping-rainbows-print shower curtain and there would be no way to unring that bell.” The story maintains an intentionally unsteady pace, balancing silly antics with dire consequences. Cute, upbeat advertisements for the B&B between chapters are a hilarious contrast to the story’s growing conflict.

Quant and Land’s prose is stuffed with detail so vivid it gives nostalgia for a life you haven’t lived. Every piece of furniture provides heartwarming (and sometimes heartbreaking) trivia on Maggie’s childhood. Maggie herself is the story’s most relatable and vulnerable element. Written by disabled and autistic authors, it’s unsurprising that Maggie is a painfully real depiction of chronic illness and neurodivergence. Anyone who shares her struggles will find her a kindred spirit, and those who don’t will still root for her success. As the title suggests, F*ck This Murder is a raw, unfiltered mystery, but it’s also alive with goofy antics and big feelings, inviting readers to laugh and cry in equal proportion.

Takeaway: Hilarious B&B murder mystery with unexpected heart.”

–BookLife Reviews

BLURBS

“What a joy to spend a week in Majestic Springs. Signe E. Land and Elizabeth Land Quant have created a sparkling cozy mystery with humor, plot twists, and convincing portrayals of unconventional characters. This book is snarky, inclusive, and this is a cozy mystery turned gloriously unhinged.

F*CK THIS MURDER is perfect for fans of small-town mysteries, found-family vibes, and amateur sleuths with a lot of heart. This isn’t your grandmother’s cozy mystery—unless your grandmother swears a lot and solves murders for fun. I love sarcastic sleuths, chaotic queer energy, and cozy mysteries with bite – and this book has that and then some.”

- Nina McConigley, author of Cowboys and East Indians, winner of the PEN Open Book Award

“Need an escape? Treat yourself to F*ck This Murder: a heartfelt, fast-paced screwball cozy mystery that’s wonderfully neurodivergent and joyously queer. Can’t wait to see what’s in store next for Maggie and the gang in book two!”

- Jennifer Pastiloff, bestselling author of On Being & Proof of Life.

“This rollicking murder mystery presents intrigue and fun in equal measure, with a gift of disability and queer representation to the reader. I deeply enjoyed the twists and turns, and I know you will too, and I'll be thinking for a long time about the engaging protagonist with her real and embodied challenges amid her humor, humanity, and loving community."

- Sonya Huber, author of Pain Woman Takes Your Keys and Other Essays from a Nervous System.

“F*ck This Murder delivers exactly the right blend of humor and pathos to make you laugh, scream and demand your bestie read this book next. In a time when things are tilting toward tyranny, this joyfully neurodivergent book, which celebrates our differences and our intersections, lets you sink into a world you’ll be reluctant to leave.”

—Jordan Rosenfeld, author of Fallout and The Sound of Story.

“Impeccably written, fabulously illustrated, witty, charming, surprising, and wry, F*ck This Murder is the wacky page-turner I didn't know I needed to read. The Autistic Aunties strike gold with their unforgettable cast of quirky, lovable characters and a plot that will keep you up all night reading. Book 2 can't come soon enough!”

- Jena Schwartz, author of Fierce Encouragement

Elizabeth Land Quant and Signe E. Land have written a hilarious, buoyant, and smart mystery that will have readers turning the pages with both anticipation and pleasure. The real gift of F*ck This Murder is the characters, many of whom will stick with readers long after they've finished the book. Don't miss this entertaining read!

- Christie Tate, author of Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life, a Reece’s Book Club pick

“F*ck This Murder is a fresh, fun, quirky take on the mystery genre, and one I’d highly recommend you pick up. Now! Maggie’s life has only just started to come back together after a painful breakup with her ex-husband, Lance. She’s transformed her family’s old bootlegging country house into a B&B, but in order to keep the electricity and water going, and pay the mortgage, she’s got to survive a week with the most needy wedding party on the planet. Oh, and it just so happens to be composed entirely of people who tortured her in high school.  
  
With a dead body to hide from a health inspector, secret passageways, wedding activities gone awry (poison ivy and secret roofies to name only two), and a blackmail plot going back to their graduation night, this book is a fast ride of hilarious hijinks from head to hindquarters.  
  
The mystery itself is well laid out, with lots of possible motives and agendas floating around, and I loved the twist at the end that I did not see coming! The voice of the writing is playful, lighthearted, and humorous. Most “funny” books throw a punchline at you here and there, but the authors in this book do a good job of creating situational humor and moments that feel like they organically arise from the characters’ traits and make you smile.  
  
The characters represent a diverse bunch in all forms of the word, but I never felt like the story was trying to prove a point by including these perspectives. They felt genuine and only served to increase the depth of character, making them all more believable humans.   
  
This mystery is cozy like a cup of hot cocoa with a splash of bourbon: comfort with the odd racy hit of a penis in your face at one in the morning.”    

- Kayleigh Suggett, author of Alibi by Accident 

Amazon and Goodreads Reviews  

“This title was selected for IngramSpark's Indie Title Discovery Spotlight 2025! 
A hilariously playful murder mystery perfect for fans of cozy crime capers, laugh-out-loud chaos, and diverse character representation. Can't wait for the next book in this series!” - Goodreads, IngramSparks  5 Stars 

“This one started a little rocky for me, but as the story went on, I was INVESTED. This was a fast paced, slightly silly, mystery.” Goodreads, 4 Stars 

“This quirky little book was so much fun, with a zany cast of characters, that fits in some meaningful character development and representation along with solving mysterious disappearances and revealing ancient history. Definitely a laugh-out-loud story with a few gasps along the way!” - Goodreads, 5 Stars 

“Autistic, queer, chronically ill, AND A BOXER DOG!? Never has a main character made me feel so represented. I devoured this book in one day.” - Goodreads and Amazon, 5 Stars 

“A fun and witty story! I appreciated not being able to figure out the mystery prior to the reveal. There is nothing worse than predicting the ending 2 chapters in. 
The story structure and cast of characters gave me a literary 'The White Lotus' series vibe.”
I kind of want to stay at the B & B.”  - Goodreads 4 stars 

“Super fun read. Characters were well developed and the typical cozy cast.” Goodreads, 5 Stars 

“I absolutely adore murder mysteries - and how can any go wrong when mixed with the right amount of humor?! This book hit the mark for me on every target! Twists I saw and DIDN'T see, murders that made no sense and all the sense, mishaps, pranks and all the fun drama with a sprinkle of romance and friendships to envy - plus it's the start of a series, so I'm excited for more to come!!” Goodreads, 5 Stars 

“A wonderfully gripping cozy murder mystery-which might sound oxymoronic, but it works- equal parts charm and suspense. The key in the beginning of all the characters was genius. I went back to reference it often.” - Amazon, 5 Stars 

“I highly recommend this novel if you like adorable and snarky, cozy reads! It’s just what you’ve been missing but looking for.” - Amazon. 5 Stars 

“I had a great time with this book. It was witty and quirky and unique. Very fun read!!” - Goodreads, Amazon? 5 Stars 

“In a random moment in the universe, I met Elizabeth on a plane to Arkansas. She let me have a copy of her and her sister's book. She didn't know my profession, but I get handed a lot of people's writing. I hate to say that often it's very bad. I had no idea that this was my very lucky day. This book is a gem. I loved it so much. I felt so seen in the main character. Often, neurospicy people are presented as "magical" or "talented" but always from the outside looking in. In this book, it's from the inside. And if you have ever looked out from that position and wondered how everyone else knows how interpersonal relationships work and you don't, it's wild to see yourself represented in literature. Also, there's lovable characters. Lovable animals. A plot that pulls you in and floats you along. I don't even like mysteries or murder mysteries, and I loved this book. I'm giving it as Christmas presents to some of my favorite people. What else can I tell you? Read this book.” - Amazon, 5 Stars 

“A quirky, chaotic, and surprisingly heartfelt mystery! FCK THIS MURDER* is unlike any whodunit I’ve read. 

If you like unconventional mysteries with heart, humor, and a touch of chaos, this one’s worth picking up!!” - Amazon, 5 Stars 

“Read this book with my girlfriends on a weekend away and had such a good experience!!! Really loved it, well written and a great story line with twists and turns everywhere. Highly recommend.” - Amazon, 5 Stars 

“Absolutely loved the story and the characters in this book! Definitely recommend for anyone who is looking for their next read! 10/10” - Amazon, 5 Stars 

“I loved everything about this book. The characters and storyline were one of a kind. Hope to see more books by this writer(s). Was sad to see there were no others yet. I want more.” - Amazon, 5 Stars 

“LOVED this book. I loved reading a quirky book where representation of different types of people was present. It was a page turner for me. I wanted to know what was coming next and how the main character would get through each situation thrown her way. Definitely worth the purchase and read. I’d recommend it to anyone!” - Amazon, 5 stars 

“Fun, quirky and charming. It’s a quick read with lots of twists and turns that will keep you guessing. The characters and diverse, lovable, AND infuriating. I found myself wanting to know what happens to all of them next.” -Goodreads 5 stars 

Omg if I could give this book 10 stars I would!! I f*cking loved this book so much! These weirdos felt like they could be my group of weirdos and I just could not get enough of them! I cannot wait for book 2!! - Goodreads 5 stars

REVIEWS

Amazon Reviews for Audiobook 

“It was hilarious and funny narration by Emma Marion Love made the whole difference. The story was a comedy of whodunnit. 
Maggie Livingston, a queer, autistic innkeeper with a mountain of unpaid bills is in a gigantic pile of poop. Her ex is hosting a gathering at her inn, inspector is here to evaluate and a guest just dies!!. 
Now comes a Weekend At Bernie’s style hide the body from everybody and unbeknownst to her, it’s bigger than her secret. Everybody has a metaphoric shovel in the grave. 
It was whacky, unhinged, slapstick. 
Good debut by Elizabeth & Signe land” - Amazon, Shabby Arora (AUDIOBOOK) 4 Stars 

“Super cute and entertaining! Enjoyed the banter amongst the characters and it had enough backstory to bring us to the present day. Getting an insight into autism and other disabilities that don’t “show” had me pause in thought about my own behaviors and masking. 
Emma Marion Love narrated the entire story. We are all spoiled with duet narration, but Emma did an excellent job and was so animated I didn’t even think about it being solo. Emma’s voice has that bit of hoarseness to it most of us wish we had. Absolutely adored listening!” - Amazon and Instagram, tali.the.book.witch (AUDIOBOOK) 

Instagram Reviews for Audiobook

“Fully immersed in my cozy romance era and LOVING this story! The story dives right into hilarity and shenanigans. The diversity and representation portrayed in the main characters is seen and appreciated!” 

- “Emma Marion Love’s narration brings Maggie’s voice and the story’s humor to life, balancing the mystery with the book’s chaotic energy and comedic timing.”

StoryGraph Reviews

“I had such a great time with Fck This Murder* by Elizabeth Land Quant and Signe E. Land—and the audiobook narration by Emma Marion Love truly elevated the experience.  

This story is a perfect blend of murder mystery, comedy, and heartfelt character moments. Maggie is an incredibly relatable protagonist—autistic, chronically ill, recently divorced, and just trying to keep her family’s B&B afloat… all while dealing with a suspicious death, chaotic guests, and a series of increasingly absurd mishaps.  

What stood out most to me was how seamlessly the book balances humor with heavier themes. The neurodivergent and chronic illness representation felt natural and well-integrated into Maggie’s character, and the LGBTQ+ elements were handled with care and authenticity.  

The audiobook performance was excellent—Emma Marion Love’s delivery captured both the comedic timing and emotional nuance, making an already entertaining story even more engaging.  

Overall, this is a fun, fast-paced, and delightfully chaotic read with strong representation and a compelling mystery at its core. I would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for something unique, humorous, and heartfelt.” - Storygraph, 5 Stars 

“F*ck This Murder is full of zany characters, shenanigans, hilarious inner dialogue, queer representation, a variety of abled people, witty humor, and of course, a little murder. Elizabeth Land Quant and Signe E. Land have cozy mystery gold on their hands. I listened to the audio and Emma Marion Love was delightful, bringing the perfect delivery for the ever dry-witted and sarcastic Megan, the main character. There is a long list of characters, so I physically had to diagram it out to keep everyone and their connections straight in my head. If you're looking for a diverse set of characters and an incredibly intelligent cozy mystery, this story is for you! Thanks to Blue Nose Audio for the chance to listen and review!” - Storygraph, 4.25 Stars 

Signe and I grew up watching Agatha Christie's Poirot and Miss Marple, and when CLUE came out, we were sold on "cozy" mysteries. We raised our kids with PBS in the background, and we are rather proud to say that by grade school, they knew multiple ways to quietly kill a person, could identify many poisonous plants from the Victorian Era, and could spell "Garroted" with the best of them. What was missing in these shows and novels back then, and even now in most books, tv shows, and movies, are main characters that are disabled, queer, and/or neurodivergent. We wrote FUCK THIS MURDER for ourselves, for our neurodiverent, chronically ill kids, and for everyone who wants to see disabled, queer, and neurodivergent main characters like themselves on the page, Scoobie-doin around and solving crime.

INSPIRATION FOR F*CK THIS MURDER

So, the initial concept for F*CK THIS MURDER came to us in the winter of 2019, when we were tooling around lake Hamilton in Arkansas. The lake was down and we started pointing out where dead bodies could be stashed (we are so much fun to be around). Anyway,

We started making up stories of people who lived along the lake shore and our southern mountain town of Hot Springs, Arkansas, and Maggie, Sutton and Mia were born! We also thought about what we like in a good mystery, and a cute village is a definite must. Majestic Springs is sort of a combo between Hot Springs, Arkansas, Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and Leavenworth , Washington.

Hot Springs, AR

https://www.nps.gov/hosp/index.htm

Eureka Springs, AR

https://www.visiteurekasprings.com/

Leavenworth, Washington

https://leavenworth.org/

We had so much fun imagining and writing The Majestic Hotel and Spa, that used to be an asylum. Our main inspirations were The Crescent Hotel and The Trans-Allegheny Asylum.